Oh To Be Single Again ...

Slurp DEEEEEEZ 7-11 (freebies)

GO AND GET EM!

TOMORROW

MAKE AN APPEARANCE FOR YOUR FREE

 

Americans are soooooo greedy. I think that's

what I love most about us:) We go crazy

for almost ANYTHING FREE!!!

 

 

Words escape me...this photo is absolutely disgus... Why don't you leave your comments. Not sure I could do this one justice!

 

Wedding Gown SHAME!

  

 

Vi:  One question ... Where in the hell is the savant genius designer who decided that wedding gowns (I've recently learned that its tacky to call them dresses) needed to be made 4 F'ING SIZES SMALLER than your actual dress size? This ball licker should be skinned and burned alive!

If you're mathematically challenged (unlike the savants in our world), let me help you out. This means:

• A Real World 10 (YES I SAID TEN!) is NOW a Vera Wang 14!
• A Marilyn Monroe 12 (LOOK IT UP!) is NOW a Monique Lhuillier 16!
• THIS MEANS THAT I (SIZE 14) NOW HAVE A SIZE 18 WEDDING DRESS!

WHAT THE F!

Excuse me, but women do not wait to find the love of their lives, just to be totally humiliated by the size of the GOWN they're going to wear. Especially when you've paid THOUSANDS of dollars for it! And don't give me that 'Well loose weight' crap! No dog poo, I need to loose weight. But hell, with these measurements, Paris Hilton will be in tears at her fitting! What is she a ZERO? My goodness, she'll probably faint from shock and emaciated malnurishment (yes I know its not a word) at the sound of needing a 4.

In the meantime, find that bastard and hold him for me.

Check out www.BlueberriesBridal.com for economically wise wedding gown picks! They are gorgeous and the staff there is amazing.

Alcohol vs. Cell Phones Hmmm... What to do?

Which would  you give up: Being able to drink alcohol whenever and where-ever ORRRRR your cell phone?

Lourdes:  In what universe would a single girl give up her cell phone? My cell phone is my LIFE SUPPORT! Lets think this through:

1. I have a starting line up. It takes all electronic messaging/communication devices to manage my fleet.
2. When your point guard/main is trying to get in touch with you ... you can't have him leaving a message on your home answering machine.
3. Speaking of answering machines, you NEED voicemail. How else would you know how many times your team tried to call you?If my guys don't play themselves on my voicemail, how will I know they care?
4. Payphones are for CRACKHEADS! They're dirty, and filthy, and NOT fit for use.
5. Single girls should never be preoccupied with alcohol. Drinking makes you look like trash when you're out and most drunk girls are whores.

***You can't manage men, have drunken nights, and a cell phone. It only leads to a night of Hot Ass Mess partying and a drunk dialing session at 2am. Have some class: Order a Socialite (Sprite & Maraschino Cherries)***

"A New Journey To Bloggywood City"

This is actually a bit strange to me, ... but I am so excited about venturing out into this humongous new world that I so affectionately call "Bloggywood City" or 'BYC'. In advance of our new relationship, I want to send sincere apologies for the rude, insensitive, selfish, self absorbed, idiotic 'Jessica Simpson' type comments that may appear. I'm just being me:)

So, to sum it up: I (Vi) got engaged on 08-08-08 and am scheduled to be married October 11, 2009. I don't ask this to be rude, but ... 'Why didn't I cherish my single life like the Hope Diamond that is was?' Pulease believe me when I say that I am adoringly and eternally in love with my intended (so retro a phrase isn't it). However, it has occurred to me, in the past nine months of planning this wedding, that I will no longer have the freedoms of the single girl I used to be.

Lourdes (my former, now imaginary single self) was the baddest chick I knew! She trained the girls on how to dress to impress without looking like you're a looser who just spent 2 days picking out this outfit, how to play with men and use them for the fun and adorable sponsors that they should be when you're a single girl; Lourdes called the shots, fell in and out of 'single girl love', and partied for almost a decade before she had to move to BYC and start her new imaginary life. At 28, Lourdes has opened a new chapter; and her twin Vi has certainly done the same!

We look forward to sharing our new lives with the world; giving great single girl advice, and sharing the untold secret thoughts of putting your single life to rest. OH WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD!